Standing By
by carolinka
Summary: Hm, too short to summarize really. It's a bit sad, but I hope you enjoy it anyway, at least a little.


Just something short and sad with a bit of room for speculation and your own thoughts at the end. Got stuck on the other story I've been writing and this just popped into my head and practically wrote itself.

Disclaimer: I am sad to say that I don't own Merlin or any of his friends or foes, but I do like to play with them.

The fire shifted and crackled as Merlin placed another log in the flames. He could never seem to get warm these days. Wrapping his dark cloak tighter around himself he huddled in front of the small fireplace in Gaius' rooms. The flickering flames cast deep shadows on his face and the light reflected in his eyes, making them appear almost golden. The rest of the room was dark and quiet. Merlin still thought of it as Gaius' quarters, even after all these years. If he closed his eyes he could still see his old mentor working at one of the workbenches, mixing and stirring some potion, could still hear him telling Merlin an ancient legend or teaching him about the healing qualities of one herb or another.

The warlock missed Gaius terribly. He longed for the times when they shared a meal, when he would hear the quiet, soothing rumble of Gaius' snores at night that reminded him that he was not alone.

Merlin even missed being Arthur's servant. Or rather, he simply missed Arthur.

Arthur, the way he was when he was still the prince. He'd never been carefree, he'd always carried the weight of the kingdom on his shoulders, had always cared too much for his people. But there had been moments of joy and happiness, moments Arthur and Merlin could be friends instead of Crown Prince and manservant, rare times when they could be themselves.

In the years since, Uther had died of a fever, Arthur had become king and Merlin his court sorcerer, wars had been fought and won and eventually Arthur had married Gwen. Merlin had been the one to suggest the union- at the time he'd thought it made sense.

Merlin shuffled a bit closer to the fire, the sadness on his face enhanced by the shadows, and sighed. Yes, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Gwen was their good friend and her being a commoner would only strengthen the loyalty of the people towards the Crown. At the same time it would shut up the nagging voices of the Council who demanded a queen and an heir. It would also lay those rumours about him and Arthur to rest. Rumours that were oh so true. Rumours that told about the two mens' relationship, what they got up to behind closed doors and why exactly Merlin spent so much time in Arthur's chambers. What the rumours didn't mention was the deep and all encompassing love they felt for each other.

For a while it had been a perfect arrangement. Gwen had known about them from the start and had only been too happy to be able to help out, even though she was quite daunted by the prospect of becoming queen. Life was good until one day Merlin had been called away to a distant part of Albion to cure a plague that was destroying the crops and he'd been gone for several months. Merlin couldn't have foreseen the sight that greeted him on his return to Camelot- King Arthur and an obviously pregnant Queen Guinevere sitting in the shade of pear tree, holding hands and deep in conversation. Before they'd had a chance to notice him Merlin had turned away and returned to Gaius's chambers, where he'd locked himself in for days.

In the months and years that followed Merlin had seen less and less of Arthur. They never shared the bed again and nothing was ever mentioned. Merlin took to volunteering for diplomatic missions to neighbouring kingdoms, spending very little time at court. He still loved Arthur dearly and he'd do anything to see his King happy, but it was just too painful to stand by and watch.

Now he'd made his decision. Merlin couldn't bear it any more. He'd fulfilled his destiny, had protected Arthur and placed the crown on his head. Together they'd managed to unite Albion under Arthur's rule, and now he wasn't needed any more. Camelot had her King, and Arthur had his queen and the Royal family even had a small prince. Merlin had nothing but a quietly broken heart and his memories.

The warlock looked down at the letter in his hand and carressed the name on the envelope with his thumb. `Be happy, my friend, my love, my everything. Farewell.`

When the servant arrived with the Court Sorcerer's supper several minutes later the room was quiet and dark. On a shelf beside the door sat a letter addressed to Arthur.

Later that night the servant delivered the envelope to the king. When Arthur opened it he found no letter inside but he could just make out Merlin's faint voice.

`My once and future king. Destinies will unfold and millennia will pass. And I am happy to serve you till the day I die.`


End file.
